Friday, January 9, 2009

A Hard, But Ultimately Satisfying Day

We had kind of a rocky morning. I took the kids to the park and we had a great time. There was another homeschooling family there with a kindergartener- the first girl homeschooler we've ever really spent any time with. The girls seemed to get along well, the way you do when you're five and saying hi means you're new friends before you even know each other's names. Things got crazy though and they were having a picnic and we were leaving and I didn't get to exchange information with the mom. So Maid Marian was sad walking home because we didn't know how to get in touch with her new friend.

Then we walked by the elementary school she would be going to if we weren't homeschooling, right as the recess bell rang and all the kindergarteners ran out to play. Five of her Sunday school friends go there and I felt so miserable as I watched her with her little face pressed up to the fence. She started crying and told me she didn't want to homeschool anymore- that she wanted to go to public school and get to have all those friends.

When we got home she curled up on the couch and just looked completely beaten down. It was awful. I went and snuggled with her and asked her to tell me what she was feeling. She said her tummy hurt and she didn't know how to explain it. I said I thought the word she was thinking of was "lonely" and she burst into tears and said yes, she is so lonely, and WHY aren't there any other five year old girls who homeschool?

We had a really good talk. I told her that her daddy and I are convinced this is what God wants us to do this year, but that we would pray about it and if she wanted to try public school next year we would see where He leads us. I told her all the things I love about her, and how much fun it is to be her teacher, and how much I would miss her if she went to school all day. She wouldn't get to do Bible anymore, and it's not like going to public school means you automatically have lots of friends. I told her about hard times I had in school where people teased me or I felt lonely too.

After she settled down and thought about it some more, she started getting worried that I actually might send her to school, and telling me how much she would miss her brother, and that she wants to stay home and do school together. We're finishing book one of her math program this week- she's halfway there and she's so proud of everything she's learned.

Tonight we watched Because of Winn-Dixie, which I had bought on impulse a year ago when it was on sale cheap. I didn't even know what it was about, but it was a girl who was lonely, and it seemed to go along perfectly with some of the things we had discussed. Now she wants to check the book out of the library and read it so we can see if it's different from the movie, and she's excited that it's another Newbery book. She's bouncing back, and I've promised her that I'm going to try to see if we can somehow join a group for her to meet other five year olds "like me". Ones who homeschool, Mama, and love God...

I love her so much. It's so hard sometimes to be sure we're making the right choice, and that I'm giving her what she needs, especially on days like this. But the thing is, I can't imagine doing anything else.

2 comments:

Kate said...

Not that it's mine to say if you're doing the right thing, but... it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Home school or public school, loneliness is an important topic to wrestle with. I remember being lonely in both. I'm sure finding more home school kids near you will help--maybe close enough that they can come over during the day since you can't really pack up all the daycare kids. My heart goes out to Maid Marian and to you.

Robynn's Ravings said...

Just wanted to give you a word of encouragement from a mom who has homeschooled for years and is graduating her oldest this year.

Your words to her were so wise and healing. Nothing is perfect anywhere, or all the time. I will pray that God provides friends for your precious little one. That is a real need. Mine have gone through ups and downs but now I can't keep up with their social life!

I saw you on PW. If you need a laugh or some commiseration, drop on by anytime. Today's post is Pastors and False Teeth but it changes almost daily. Blessings to you!